Race in the City

The city is exhausting. Everything has a racial undertone. I became especially aware of it after our tour of the Southside. But everyone mentions black and white, white and black. I’m on the bus and a man boards, screaming to anyone that will listen that white people are committing genocide, that Black Americans will soon be extinct. Beggars call you on it—“Oh, you ain’t giving money to a black man?” and people casually comment on it “I wad wid a white man and hid wife found out and she woulda beat my ass cuz I’m black.” Again and again. For a white girl from Kansas, it slams into me each time. Does everyone have to talk about it.

At the Corner Café, our group represented the only light faces in the establishment. It never would have bothered me before; I come from a liberal place and have never questioned race relations. I have always judged people on their character, not their skin tone. But after everything that I have learned about and seen in the past week-- the hate, anger and bitter history still present in this city, I suddenly feel unsure about my relations with people of other races.  I felt cut-off, like an outsider, an observer, who loved it all, but who didn’t really belong. Did they all hate me? Was I welcome? I felt like there was a huge chasm between me and the regulars. Our lives, our experiences were so different simply because of our skin tones.

Thus, after the performance, I am ashamed to say I was shocked when a black man struck up a conversation with me while we waited in line for the bathroom. He was smiling from ear to ear, he loved the performance just as much as I did. It was both of our first times and both of us wanted to come back. He was so kind, so genuine, so friendly; that I felt my old comfort returning. He went in to the bathroom and the man behind me struck up a conversation, too. He, himself, was a performer and he introduced himself, saying he hoped I would come back.

It was then that I realized I must not let myself be poisoned by this city. I must continue to believe that racial integration is real and people are people. I must continue to believe that I am not the only one who believes that.